U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
