All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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