I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
