I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
