You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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