Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
