Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i will never coherently bang her
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
