ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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