if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
