Umm I'm too high to move.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
thus making me awesome and them whores
so let's talk penis.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
