i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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