so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Who died my cat blue again?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
