They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So squirting runs in the family.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
