So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
