Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
