So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
