I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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