That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
