I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
