My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
