A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize