She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
