just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
