there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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