I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
