I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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