when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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