So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
