Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
