Say something about gay babies.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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