So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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