I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Someone came in the potted fern
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
