Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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