I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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