i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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