Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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