i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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