I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
