i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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