Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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