I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
