I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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