Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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