Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
