I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
