So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
