Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
