Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
did i just pee glitter
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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