I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
