She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
