I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The beer is more important than you right now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
