I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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